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UK Educational Standards today


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Darksat
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« on: September 18, 2009, 04:25:34 am »

The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination
in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. )

These are genuine answers (from 16 year old boys)


Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and
nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well
endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. S.ex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs ..................................(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery  .............  (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow  ............................. (Jesus H Christ)

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow                                            (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and
the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:
A,E,I,O and U .......................................................................................(What the *!!*Huh)

Q. What is the fibula
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium ................(That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in  Rome

Q. What is a seizure
A. A Roman Emperor ........................................................(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport ......................................(Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you
understand its
meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face .......................(OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head







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