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Bush and the Bible


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Author Topic: Bush and the Bible  (Read 3003 times)
Darksat
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« on: December 27, 2006, 03:01:10 pm »






Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may ! not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle- room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.






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http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokebushbible.htm
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Zachery
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« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2006, 01:06:19 pm »

Lol if Bush is a teacher then I'm a Forumla 1 race car driver!
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LOVEgoesMLM
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« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2007, 10:40:10 am »

Lol if Bush is a teacher then I'm a Forumla 1 race car driver!

I have never meet a Formula 1 race car driver before.

Seriously, Bush wasn't the only Christian that ran for office.  Then again only God can see into a man's heart.  I have learned how evil because of the unethics of PVYSC.  They are wose then the fig tree Jesus cursed!!!

A minister once said many Christians would be suprized by some of the stuff in the Bible.

Jesus came to heal the sick not the healthy.  Love has four different types in what ever language the Bible was written.  I hope God has a since of humor or come Judgement Day I'm probably going to be in big trouble.

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Darksat
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« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2007, 05:26:44 pm »

I fail to see how Plate Valley Youth Service Center is the biggest evil on the planet. Grin

The Bible was written in Aramaic, Hebrew and Greek.
(Mainly the Greek bits survived after the Council of Nicea)

PS, God has a sense of Humour, he is laughing at you right now.  Wink Grin
He Says Hi and Post More on here.
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Zachery
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« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2007, 09:18:28 pm »

Lol if Bush is a teacher then I'm a Forumla 1 race car driver!

I have never meet a Formula 1 race car driver before.

Seriously, Bush wasn't the only Christian that ran for office.  Then again only God can see into a man's heart.  I have learned how evil because of the unethics of PVYSC.  They are wose then the fig tree Jesus cursed!!!

A minister once said many Christians would be suprized by some of the stuff in the Bible.

Jesus came to heal the sick not the healthy.  Love has four different types in what ever language the Bible was written.  I hope God has a since of humor or come Judgement Day I'm probably going to be in big trouble.



Calm down, lol I was just joking...lol but the thought of Bush teaching ANYTHING is just hilarious to me.


PS, God has a sense of Humour, he is laughing at you right now.  Wink Grin
He Says Hi and Post More on here.

Carlos Mancia LMAO, ".....go to Wall-mart and just look at people..."
« Last Edit: January 10, 2007, 09:20:04 pm by Zachery » Report Spam   Logged
Darksat
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« Reply #5 on: January 11, 2007, 10:49:46 am »

Im not sure I would consider Bush a real Christian.
Irini Shalom.
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« Reply #6 on: January 11, 2007, 05:08:25 pm »

lol that's funny!

it just proves that the bible (while being the word of god) was written by MEN 2000 years ago! You can't follow it word for word like some christian groups do it has to be interpreted.
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LOVEgoesMLM
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« Reply #7 on: January 16, 2007, 04:09:34 pm »

I fail to see how Plate Valley Youth Service Center is the biggest evil on the planet. Grin

The Bible was written in Aramaic, Hebrew and Greek.
(Mainly the Greek bits survived after the Council of Nicea)

PS, God has a sense of Humour, he is laughing at you right now.  Wink Grin
He Says Hi and Post More on here.

Didn't say they PVYSC is the biggest evil.  They are just worse then the fig tree that Jesus cursed.

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