McDonnell Douglas

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by
an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of
course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web department take it
down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read
too...)

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best
meet your needs and desires.

1. What is your title? [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss

[_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other

First Name: ............................................ Initial:
Last Name:..............................................
Password: .............................. (Max. 8 char) Code
Name:..............................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?

_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle [_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A
Stealth [_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20......./......./......

4. Serial Number:........................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package [_] Catalogue / showroom
[_]
Independent arms broker [_] Mail order [_] Discount store
[_]
Government surplus [_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you
have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display [_] Espionage

[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally [_] Political lobbying
by
manufacturer [_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style / appearance [_] Speed / manoeuvrability [_] Price /

value [_] Comfort / convenience [_] Kickback / bribe [_]
Recommended by salesperson [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation [_]
Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom politics [_] Negative
experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America [_] Iraq [_] Iraq [_] Aircraft
carrier
[_] Iraq [_] Europe [_] Iraq [_] Middle East (not Iraq)

[_] Iraq [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries [_] Iraq [_] Classified
[_]
Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase
in the near future:

[_] Colour TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer Satellite [_] CD
Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles [_] Space Shuttle [_] Home Computer [_]
Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all
that apply:)

[_] Communist / Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed [_]
Neutral [_] Democratic [_] Dictatorship [_] Corrupt [_]
Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending [_] Cash [_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_]
Oil revenues [_] Personal check [_] Credit card [_]
Ransom
money [_] Traveller's check

12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker [_] Sales / marketing [_] Revolutionary
[_]
Clerical [_] Mercenary [_] Tyrant [_] Middle management
[_]
Eccentric billionaire [_] Defence Minister / General [_]
Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating
on a regular basis:

[_] Golf [_] Boating / sailing [_] Sabotage [_] Running /

jogging [_] Propaganda / misinformation [_] Destabilization /

overthrow [_] Default on loans [_] Gardening [_] Crafts
[_]
Black market / smuggling [_] Collectibles / collections [_]
Watching sports on TV [_] Wines [_] Interrogation / torture
[_]
Household pets [_] Crushing rebellions [_] Espionage /
reconnaissance [_] Fashion clothing [_] Border disputes [_]
Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups and
>mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you
will be
registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department, Military Aerospace
Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential
privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem,
no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the
intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this
email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes
an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used
in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not

have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were
harmed in the transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is
living on borrowed time, let me tell you.

Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to
learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning
backwards, so just ignore that.

Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt
around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you
and your pets.

If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg

whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.